April 19, 2014//Frozen. PET scan is scheduled for Monday morning, two days from now. Easter is tomorrow. Having lots of trouble… it’s as though that old coping mechanism has kicked back in… as if I’ve frozen the future, refusing to acknowledge it exists. I don’t want to start anything I can’t wrap up in the next day, because I don’t know what my reality will look like in a couple days. My entire life could be turned upside down. Again.
God I have no words to express how badly I do not want to go through that again.
Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having cancer or the mental torture a cancer survivor goes through for the rest of her life, living in fear that every ache, pain, unexplained feeling could be cancer. So different than someone who is merely fearful or obsessed or paranoid about getting cancer? Because for us, chances are that it really, truly, absolutely, very likely, could be cancer.
I will likely wait to post again until later next week, after I receive and digest the results. Until then, join me, pray.
Seeing Sunrise 
Paula Chapman
/ April 19, 2014God is holding you every day sweet lady and more so thru any test there is! Sending you positive vibes and many prayers as well!!! LovnHugs!!
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